Dollar Shave Club Answers the Prayers of Shy Poopers Everywhere

The brown noise machine is expected to ship later this year

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Are you a shy pooper? As in, do you shudder at the thought of having to poop within earshot of anyone? If so, razor brand Dollar Shave Club has a solution.

In what could be eventually revealed as an April Fools’ Day prank, Dollar Shave Club announced it is developing a “brown noise machine.”

Instead of the soothing sounds of a babbling brook or whale calls on a white noise machine, the brown noise machine plays louder noises to mask the sound of pooping “to give everyone the confidence to go to the bathroom freely and without hesitation,” per an email from a brand spokesperson.

Sound options include s**show, which the website says is actually neighbors arguing, and s***storm, or a thunderstorm.

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